FLUFF!

More nonsense. It seems my Intern needs to learn a little discipline.

I will require an extension on the thesis only because interruptions to my schedule have made it difficult to get any work done. I will not point claws but I believe you know who is the cause of such interruptions.

That is all.

Humbug!

This whole "Christmas" thing is waaaaaayyyyy overrated. HO is gone longer hours, brings home things that aren't for me, and is too tired to maintain her usual schedule. That throws me off, and I don't know if I should be going to sleep at SLEEPTIME or jumping all over her. I usually compromise, and jump on Professor, who is usually asleep.


He dislikes the cold weather, and sleeps a lot. HO says this picture is fuzzy because he's fuzzy, but really it's because HO tries to take photos without the flash, with her crappy camera, when she tries not to wake him up.

I see you have already been informed about the time I spent at "THEVET". What you did not hear was that I went to sleep there and woke up to find my beautiful self mutilated, and I had been stuck in a cage next to a whining DOG. Whose name was the same as mine. How humiliating. It has taken all this time for the fur to grow back on my underside, for which I am grateful; it hides the scar (HO assures me this is minimal anyway) and keeps me a little warmer.

I will regain my natural perfection and assist Professor in his goal of dominating the world. I have already learned to turn on the COLDWATER in the small room.

Speaking of Professor, he needs to get an extension on his thesis, 'cos there's no way he's going to finish it in three weeks.

So, back to Christmas. HO took away a chair and put a thing in its place, that has shiny things and lights on it. I have determined that whatever it is, it is designed to challenge me. I have learned that if I work at it, I can remove almost all of the shiny things, but I cannot seem to do anything with the lights. I will persevere.

HO has informed me that people will come, and that she will go away for periods of time at Christmas. It occurs to me that I very much dislike this Christmas thing; not only has it disrupted the TEEVEESCHEDULE and thus HO's own routine (and by extension mine and Professor's), there seems to be very little benefit in it for me or Professor. Therefore I should propose that it never be Christmas again.

Professor has just informed me that it will come again, no matter what I like. We shall SEE!!

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION

It has come to my attention that my blog has been neglected. With all the work that I need to do, it is imperative that my HO fulfill her duties, one of which is to ensure that the blog is updated. Updated with legitimate news of the work on my thesis, and not fluff pieces about BIRTHDAY PARTIES.

If I were human I would apologise to you readers for the low quality of this blog in recent weeks. However, I have no need to debase myself in human fashion, so I will simply remind you that you make a conscious choice to come here and read my observations on the pathetic state of humanity. You do not deserve better, but it galls me that better has not been provided nevertheless.

Approximately a month after the last update, Intern McSwifferpants vanished early in the morning, at around the same time the HO tends to leave. It was an extremely quiet day, and when the HO returned, she did not bring McSwifferpants with her. That evening was extraordinarily productive, and I was able to finish the chapter, Humans have Hideously Useless Claws and Teeth, Which They do not Clean Particularly Often. The focus of that chapter is the bizarre methods humans use to "clean" their dull and ineffectual claws and teeth--something they do only two or three times a day. No wonder they come down with various diseases; they are filthy.

That night I resumed my position sleeping at the small of her back, and it was just like old times.

But, as the HO is fond of saying, nothing good will ever last. The following afternoon she returned early in the afternoon, and brought the Intern with her. The Intern had been somehow injured during her absence, some of her fur removed, and her claws trimmed short and dull. Despite all this she had not lost an ounce of energy and immediately bit me and taunted me to do the same to her.

As soon as I did, the HO scolded me. Very humiliating for one of my stature and education; so I bit her thumb to apprise her of my disapproval.

Things soon returned to as normal as they ever are in the Mountain Lair. The Intern's injury is healing, though her fur has yet to grow back. Her claws are slowly returning to a proper length.

Her attitude, of course, remains precisely the same.

I may have room in my thesis for her, in a chapter entitled Humans: Fickle and Stupid.

That is all!

The Party

It was a very small, understated affair. The Princess dressed up a little:


Friends came over and brought presents on behalf of their own mentors; and then gave the Professor the best present EVAR:


Sliced green olives. Oh, you doubt how much he actually likes them?? Observe:


Better than catnip!! And it's one of a very small number of things that he likes, that the Princess doesn't also like.

Happy happy birthday, Professor.

princess mcswifferpants rules the blog

Yah, so, HO is so "busy" with her "project" and her every day going-away (she says, "if I don't go to work, you don't get food"), so she does not update the blog. Professor does not like to type so it is up to Princess to update. Ha ha! I can log in and remember my email address.

There were nice pictures taken for Professor's birthday but HO has not updated so the pictures are not here. Also, HO's human friends have not sent pictures and sometimes she mutters that she has to remind them but she does not like to bug them so she does not have pictures. Humans are weird. At least they have opposable thumbs, which Professor says is their most redeeming quality, because it makes them able to open cans, in which are such delights as OCEAN WHITEFISH AND SHRIMP and sometimes corn.

Something new came from Outside twenty-two sleeps ago (HO says that was just "day before yesterday"). It is called CHICKEN VINDALOO and it is delicious. It makes HO get all sniffly and tears but not me. As soon as HO went to get a tissue (those are fun to play with) I put my face in the vindaloo and learned that I like vindaloo. YOM! I hope more comes soon.

Also, here is a picture of me, because I am so pretty and smrt, and it will keep you from being angry at HO for not posting in so long.

PROFESSOR FURPANTS IS FOURTEEN YEARS OLD

Hee hee hee! He is as old as I am, times a bajillion jillion! So old and fuzzy. Here is a picture of him being old and fuzzy. He was funny-looking when he was small like me but that was millionbajillionjillion years ago. I love Professor!


Human Overlord wants to have a PARTY for Professor, and she made invitations and people replied. There may be cake but I don't know if I like cake. If HO eats it, it must be good for me, right? She wouldn't eat anything I couldn't eat.

I am so smrt! See me conquer the screen behind the stripey curtains!!
HO says party is August 20 at 1 pm. There will be pictures. And maybe cake!!

I am so smrt.

The Princess' First Independent Project

The Professor is very fond, as I have said, of the independent spirit. Nothing makes him happier than an intern that takes initiative.

The Princess definitely has initiative. And she lurves to climb. Everything. All the time. There are no surfaces in the mountain lair too high for her to reach, no objet d'art too precious that it can't be knocked over (as a side note, the mountain lair got rid of all its Ming vases many years ago, as the Professor was fond of climbing in his youth).


To the right, the Princess on a shelf 170 cm (67 inches) above the floor. Atop that shelf and visible: my 25th Anniversary Cabbage Patch Doll; my Swan Jun "Cool Girl" doll; my Kisaragi Honey "Cool Girl" doll; my Cutey Honey "Cool Girl" doll... What's that? You can't see Cutey Honey? Oh, she's there, flat on her face. Jun's taken a dive off the shelf a couple of times herself. Honey has so far managed to escape this fate... so far. To the far left (way out of the camera's view) are some SD Gundam kits that the Princess thought were fun to knock over as well.






After an evening of scaring the you know what out of the HO, the Princess was pretty tired, and sought the Professor for permission to put the remainder of the project on hold for a bit.






He gave her the next day off as well. He's generous that way.

On Rest (or the lack thereof)

Since the intern's arrival, the Professor has suffered from a lack of rest. He rarely gets a chance to take even half his eighteen daily naps, and when he does the Princess is apt to jump on him - no doubt out of some misguided attempt to express comfortable companionship - which results in a lot of noisy squabbles.

It's not all yowls and hissing, however.

Sometimes they manage to share space quietly. You'll note that they're both sort of hanging out the sides of the sleepybed; but sometimes they do cuddle closer.

Not often.

The Professor is a fan of independence, and wishes that the Princess would go amuse herself and let him sleep.




Unlike the Professor, the Princess can never hide what she feels; I put this down to her youth and lack of experience. She wears her heart on her furry little sleeve.

Sometimes she actually does let him sleep.



In other news, the Princess has had a few forays out on the balcony:


Jungle cat!

Princess McSwifferpants

First of all, my apologies for that last post; one can hardly fault her enthusiasm.

So the intern has settled in quite nicely, chewing on cables and fingers and anything she can get into her mouth (and sometimes things she can't). Speaking of chewing, and since she did promise on my behalf, here is the first stage of the Princess' first project, to wit, the subjugation of the stripey curtains:






In addition I believe she promised a photo of Fred, who is a disturbingly crooked-faced toy dog that I bought in anticipation of her arrival. To the left, Fred, being taunted by the Princess, who adores him and carries him around the room.








She's extremely helpful; you can see her here, assisting my latest sewing project (by pulling things out of the boxes and playing with them).




And last of all (but not at all least), she has proven her stealth tactics to be beyond reproach:

so fuzzy

HO takes many pictures but does not post them here so I take some and post them here. Hee hee hee! Me and Professor. He gets annoyed at so many pictures. See how fuzzy I am! So fuzzy. Not as fuzzy as Fred. HO says she will post picture of Fred. I love Fred. Not as much as I love Professor! Professor bites me. So fun!


More picture!



Hee hee hee! My legs are short so I have to be close to take a picture. So fuzzy!

HO says this is not a proper post and Professor disapproves but it is my first post. HO says my post is all right but she will post better pictures soon. It is a promise! Even in better pictures I am so fuzzy.

First project: subdue stripey curtains. Picture when HO makes a post! Hee hee!

On Adjustment

Intern Squeaky "Grasshopper" McSwifferpants arrived on Friday night. Initially quite shy and homesick, she was prepared for a miserable evening, but a welcoming environment that had been arranged for her seemed to help. After a two-hour nap curled up in my hands she was refreshed and energised, and spent the rest of the evening exploring and acquainting herself with the Professor.




For his part, the Professor was typically aloof, preferring to watch the proceedings from a distance. Squeaky's determination to get to know him combined with her own anxiety about him led to some interesting (and very amusing, from an outside viewpoint) interactions.



The rest of the weekend was increasingly comfortable as the Professor and Squeaky settled into certain routines. There is still some disagreement as to who gets to eat whose food, and who gets to sleep in the Prof's sleepy-bed beside the computer (there is, as yet, no sharing). There seems to have been some sort of accord regarding who gets to sleep where at night; we shall see how long that holds.

All in all, a most successful integration. And Squeaky has already begun her research, which makes the Professor happy:

Spring Has Sprung

Sunshiny days make the Professor happy, and he loves to hang out on the balcony, checking out all the growing things. He seems particularly fond of my cypress, and tries periodically to climb up into the pot to rub his face against it. Fortunately (for both of us), his advancing years have made him a little more cautious about where he'll jump, and so far he hasn't taken a header off the balcony.

Touch wood.




Spring days leave the Professor very energetic at night, and he loves to tear into things, including my messenger bag (pictured here) and his beloved crocheted T. rex (partly visible at the bottom left). I was able to snap a half-decent photo of him without the flash, so you can see that he doesn't always have his eyes shut.


The new intern should be arriving by the end of May (we are hoping to have her installed on the last weekend of the month). Naturally photos will be taken for identification purposes. Her current foster-mother has indicated that she is very mild-tempered. Her tortie sister and orange tabby brother are extremely shy; and her black-and-white brother, who has an appetite bigger than himself, is slobberingly affectionate and desperate for attention. It should be an interesting transition for her, and for those of us in the Mountain Lair. The Professor refuses to comment on the situation except to indicate that she had better not interfere with the thesis. I have refrained from reminding him that it will be her job to assist him on it. He doesn't like to be corrected.

ARE YOU CAT ENOUGH?

Professor Furpants already has an intern, Bobby, who logs in remotely to submit his course work. However, the Professor is interested in having a second intern, one closer to home. One more readily available for abuse. And so I was sent off in search of someone. Someone young and with an untouched mind. Someone who could be molded into the Professor's (figurative) image (see above).

Someone who will put up with this:


Ha ha! That's a crocheted T-Rex, made out of nice sage-coloured merino wool and stuffed with hypoallergenic polyfill, much of which has come out due to the Prof's "busy claws". The crufty stuff you see on its surface is gooooood catnip.

So, in my search, I discovered several potential candidates. Keep in mind that none of these replace intern Bobby; the new one will merely be a supplement. And suffer more at the Prof's cranky paws.

Here are the contenders:


They are all equally qualified. On the Professor's behalf, however, I have decided that the most likely candidate will be the calico-coated girl at the top of the pile. She clearly rises above the rest. Ha ha!

[insert predictable but obsolete catchphrase here]

The Professor doesn't like having his photo taken. When he hears the camera turning on he immediately turns his head away, or gets up and stalks to another part of the room. Sometimes I catch him chilled out, though, and he'll tolerate a shot or two. Even if it's fuzzy, I'll take it.








Sometimes I just take what I can get, even if it's his behind sticking out from behind stripey curtains on a rare sunny morning. Ha ha!





The Prof is ambivalent about spring. On the one hand it means open windows, and squirrels and birds coming to perch tantalisingly close on the balcony, where he can sing to them ("Oh small creature, please come closer that I may eat you!"). On the other hand, it means open windows and squirrels and birds coming to perch tantalisingly close on the balcony, which distracts him from work on his thesis. But what are ya gonna do? Spring Has Sprung.

Vice--and a Treat

My dad used to grow, uh, herbs for the Professor and his mentor. Good stuff--strong, sweet, very effective. One of the temporary roomies (whose own HO resides here) was very fond of the, uh, herbs, and would actually perform feats that defied all laws of physics, in order to reach the bag where I had hidden it--where I, in fact, had to get up on a stepstool to reach it.

The Professor and his mentor loved it too. The mentor would daintily nibble a few leaves and then spend the afternoon purring contentedly in a sunbeam (she was otherwise a most cool and indifferent girl). The Prof would dive right in, rolling about and generally preventing anyone from getting more than a sniff at it.

Well, my dad stopped growing the stuff when I went overseas to work, because he had no reason to do so (the Prof and his mentor, recall, went to a couple of temporary homes during this time, staying with people my dad didn't know). Since my return to my Home And Native Land, I have sought high and low for an herb of similar strength. Most of what I have found has smelled like mint, for some reason; and the Prof has turned his nose up at every single sample.

Until today.

Today I picked up a packet of Imperial Cat, whose tagline is "Enhance Your Cat's Life". Oh, yes indeedy. This stuff has the grassy smell I recall from my dad's homegrown stash, and it's actually leafy--most of the stuff I've found has been crushed to almost a powder.

So, I sprinkled a bit on the kitchen floor (you can see specks of it on the Prof's coat in the photo above), and watched him go to town. It's been a while since the Prof has been able to unwind like that, and I was happy to watch him do it.

And oh yes, I promised you a treat, did I not? Forty seconds of blurry, soundless video (hey, my camera's almost as old as Professor Furpants. The Professor, not the blog!):

Oh, yeah. That's the stuff. I just wish you could hear him snuffling it.

Progress

It's been a surprisingly short weekend, but the Prof has made great progress on his thesis. After working all night on the current chapter ("Humans Are Filthy Creatures Who Only Wash Once A Day"), he did permit himself a short, four-hour nap. All four paws are visible if you look hard.






Once he'd awakened from his nap, the Prof was more than happy to demonstrate his own cleansing technique, which he requested that I photograph for him in order to use as an illustration in the thesis. He's a multimedia guru!

And, of course, he is a Cat.

Confessions of Suckitude

It's been a busy new year, and so the Prof hasn't scolded me for not updating. In fact, he's been super busy too!

I applied for a new job (sh! Don't tell my boss!) and this required the construction of a new suit. The prof was surprised by the style that I chose, as you can see from his expression here (he's examining the pattern instructions that I'm holding off-camera).

Later he resolved himself to assist me as much as possible--after all, a better job for me means better digs for him, right? So check him out making sure that the pattern pieces don't get dislodged.

It's really good of him to take time out of his busy schedule to help me, and it's most appreciated.

(I haven't yet gotten a call for an interview for this particular job, but we're holding out hope. He would like the town we're looking into moving to. Should I not get it, at least I'll have a nice suit, and at least I won't be unemployed, right? The Prof has nothing to lose).

Speaking of the Professor's busy schedule, he did take some time off his very intense writing schedule (the thesis has to be done by December of this year, remember) to take some comfortable vacation time behind the papasan.




Yeah, this was a nice snapshot and he was pretty much unprepared for it, so you see the Prof in his "natural" state. Notice that he's snuggled up against the baseboard heater. What you don't see in this shot is one of his (many) comfortable sleepy-boxes, which also sits behind the papasan (and is behind him)--it's one that doesn't have anything in it at all. Very utilitarian, but at least it's warm, which is why he likes it.






And today while I'm fiddling on the computer you can see the Professor assisting with mouse movement. I like the way he uses his tail for support, balancing it on the printer while he guides my hand. He's so efficient!!