It has been a hot couple of weeks, and very little work has been done by anyone in the Mountain Lair. Professor has taken to blocking the door to the utility closet to prevent the lack of cool breeze from getting through. There are days I walk over and he doesn't move and doesn't appear to be breathing. Until I happen to pick up a can opener, at which point he becomes entirely animated and ungodly howls emanate from within him.
Intern McSwifferpants, on the other hand, has been slowed not a whit by the heat. She scampers up her "tree" like it was nothing, and frequently plays "The Floor is Made of Lava", her favourite game. TFIMOL usually results in all my stuff being tossed to the floor. It's too hot for me to bother picking it up, haha.
It's not all fun and games, even for the Intern, however. She takes time to cool off, same as everyone else.
Professor is very pleased to report that McSwifferpants has shown marked improvement in recent weeks. She has managed to cause several large and worrying scars on HO's hands, which will take some time to fade. These will inform other potential interns that HO is not in the market for another intern, and will remind HO of it periodically.
In addition, McSwifferpants has begun to recognise that certain areas of the Mountain Lair are hers alone, certain areas are belong to Professor, and certain areas are shared with HO. She will still sometimes overstep her bounds but it is nothing that Professor cannot handle!
More avid readers may have realised that McSwifferpants has recently become one year old. The day passed uneventfully, as such anniversaries should. Readers may also have noticed that McSwifferpants has become quite large. Please feel free to compare to older photos.
McSwifferpants eats much more than an intern has a right to. It does not bother Professor much, as he gets more than his share, provided HO is home.
The thesis is progressing as well, and will likely be ready before September. In fact, progress is so advanced that Professor has had time to relax. and to take advantage of the comfortable new scratchy-board. Readers may note T-Rex to the right of the scratchy-board, plus a bottle of rattly things.
Professor mentioned earlier that when HO is home he gets plenty to eat. HO recently went away for a LONGTIME, which was worrisome, though HO's Human Friends came to ensure that food and water were plentiful. The LONGTIME was unnerving, and reminded Professor too painfully of HO's being away forever, so he was glad to see her come home. It allows him to relax entirely and catch up on sleep, and reduces stress, which also contributes to thesis progression.
Since HO is so busy and Professor is even busier, it is up to me to maintain updates.
HO came home with this for me. It goes from the floor to the ceiling and has three stops on the way. Professor does not like it so it will be all mine! You will see the stripey curtains behaving on the right. They do not diss McSwiffer!
Sharp claws and laser eyes help me in my work, assisting Professor with his thesis. His aim is to have it completed by August (his extension is until the end of September). We work hard!
This is me in the box that the climby-platform thing came in. It is as much fun hard work as the climby-platform!
HO got a new camera, so there will be many more photos. Professor is hoping HO will take some that are relevant to the thesis.
More nonsense. It seems my Intern needs to learn a little discipline.
I will require an extension on the thesis only because interruptions to my schedule have made it difficult to get any work done. I will not point claws but I believe you know who is the cause of such interruptions.
This whole "Christmas" thing is waaaaaayyyyy overrated. HO is gone longer hours, brings home things that aren't for me, and is too tired to maintain her usual schedule. That throws me off, and I don't know if I should be going to sleep at SLEEPTIME or jumping all over her. I usually compromise, and jump on Professor, who is usually asleep.
He dislikes the cold weather, and sleeps a lot. HO says this picture is fuzzy because he's fuzzy, but really it's because HO tries to take photos without the flash, with her crappy camera, when she tries not to wake him up.
I see you have already been informed about the time I spent at "THEVET". What you did not hear was that I went to sleep there and woke up to find my beautiful self mutilated, and I had been stuck in a cage next to a whining DOG. Whose name was the same as mine. How humiliating. It has taken all this time for the fur to grow back on my underside, for which I am grateful; it hides the scar (HO assures me this is minimal anyway) and keeps me a little warmer.
I will regain my natural perfection and assist Professor in his goal of dominating the world. I have already learned to turn on the COLDWATER in the small room.
Speaking of Professor, he needs to get an extension on his thesis, 'cos there's no way he's going to finish it in three weeks. So, back to Christmas. HO took away a chair and put a thing in its place, that has shiny things and lights on it. I have determined that whatever it is, it is designed to challenge me. I have learned that if I work at it, I can remove almost all of the shiny things, but I cannot seem to do anything with the lights. I will persevere.
HO has informed me that people will come, and that she will go away for periods of time at Christmas. It occurs to me that I very much dislike this Christmas thing; not only has it disrupted the TEEVEESCHEDULE and thus HO's own routine (and by extension mine and Professor's), there seems to be very little benefit in it for me or Professor. Therefore I should propose that it never be Christmas again.
Professor has just informed me that it will come again, no matter what I like. We shall SEE!!
It has come to my attention that my blog has been neglected. With all the work that I need to do, it is imperative that my HO fulfill her duties, one of which is to ensure that the blog is updated. Updated with legitimate news of the work on my thesis, and not fluff pieces about BIRTHDAY PARTIES.
If I were human I would apologise to you readers for the low quality of this blog in recent weeks. However, I have no need to debase myself in human fashion, so I will simply remind you that you make a conscious choice to come here and read my observations on the pathetic state of humanity. You do not deserve better, but it galls me that better has not been provided nevertheless.
Approximately a month after the last update, Intern McSwifferpants vanished early in the morning, at around the same time the HO tends to leave. It was an extremely quiet day, and when the HO returned, she did not bring McSwifferpants with her. That evening was extraordinarily productive, and I was able to finish the chapter, Humans have Hideously Useless Claws and Teeth, Which They do not Clean Particularly Often. The focus of that chapter is the bizarre methods humans use to "clean" their dull and ineffectual claws and teeth--something they do only two or three times a day. No wonder they come down with various diseases; they are filthy.
That night I resumed my position sleeping at the small of her back, and it was just like old times.
But, as the HO is fond of saying, nothing good will ever last. The following afternoon she returned early in the afternoon, and brought the Intern with her. The Intern had been somehow injured during her absence, some of her fur removed, and her claws trimmed short and dull. Despite all this she had not lost an ounce of energy and immediately bit me and taunted me to do the same to her.
As soon as I did, the HO scolded me. Very humiliating for one of my stature and education; so I bit her thumb to apprise her of my disapproval.
Things soon returned to as normal as they ever are in the Mountain Lair. The Intern's injury is healing, though her fur has yet to grow back. Her claws are slowly returning to a proper length.
Her attitude, of course, remains precisely the same.
I may have room in my thesis for her, in a chapter entitled Humans: Fickle and Stupid.
Yah, so, HO is so "busy" with her "project" and her every day going-away (she says, "if I don't go to work, you don't get food"), so she does not update the blog. Professor does not like to type so it is up to Princess to update. Ha ha! I can log in and remember my email address.
There were nice pictures taken for Professor's birthday but HO has not updated so the pictures are not here. Also, HO's human friends have not sent pictures and sometimes she mutters that she has to remind them but she does not like to bug them so she does not have pictures. Humans are weird. At least they have opposable thumbs, which Professor says is their most redeeming quality, because it makes them able to open cans, in which are such delights as OCEAN WHITEFISH AND SHRIMP and sometimes corn.
Something new came from Outside twenty-two sleeps ago (HO says that was just "day before yesterday"). It is called CHICKEN VINDALOO and it is delicious. It makes HO get all sniffly and tears but not me. As soon as HO went to get a tissue (those are fun to play with) I put my face in the vindaloo and learned that I like vindaloo. YOM! I hope more comes soon.
Also, here is a picture of me, because I am so pretty and smrt, and it will keep you from being angry at HO for not posting in so long.